There is hope for mankind: Swede did NOT have fatal sexual encounter with hornet's nest

Guys, you can stop holding your nutsack and squirming. It was all a hoax.

A guy in Sweden did NOT die after sticking his ding-a-ling into a hornet's nest. The publication, News Sweden, that ran with the story is a spoof publication, sort of a Swedish Onion, but...then...a London newspaper took up the story about how  a neighbor named Bertil Ståhfrääs (whose name translates as "erection" in Swedish) found the sad fellow, Hasse, lying there, sadly unsated:

"I have never in my life seen such a swollen pelvic bone. It hid the whole package [and] the scrotum was enlarged. Right now it feels heavy and unreal. We did not talk very often, but he was still my neighbour."

A supposed autopsy of Hasse's body allegedly showed semen on some of the dead wasps and a number of the victim's pubic hair was found at the entrance of the nest. His fingerprints were also found on the nest, leading the police to believe he had been trying to have sex with the hornet's nest when he was stung to death.

"To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea," Siv Underlivh, a psychologist and expert on sex fantasies told the news website. Underlivh was also a play on words, meaning 'fetish' in Swedish.

There is a lesson to be learned. Sex with insects, bad. Leave those 17-year cicadas be.

Awesome cult hit just out on Blu-Ray

I never heard of it until this week either but it does star some of the Warhol gang, Oscar-nominee William Hickey (whom critic John Simon called the worst actor in the known universe),  Berks County's own Lucy Lee Fippin, and is directed by Judd Apatow's dad. Bring it on.

The Telephone Book (Blu-ray + DVD Combo)

$19.99

Starring Sarah Kennedy, Norman Rose, Jill Clayburgh

​GOP demands immediate repeal of Patriot Act, thereby thwarting any future legal subpoenas of the AP

Michael Steele, a spokesman for House Speaker John A. Boehner, got real:

“The First Amendment is first for a reason. If the Obama Administration is going after reporters’ phone records, they better have a damned good explanation.”

Rep. Paul Ryan demurred:

"If the First Amendment is gone, then the Second Amendment becomes first, right?"

We had better wait and see what Dick Cheney has to say about this.

If you don't want to give your mom a firearm

Via Criggo.

Too many Castros in the news creating challenge for headline writers

Back in the day, there was only one Castro anybody had ever heard of. Fidel, dictator of Cuba — a monster, to be sure (at least to the CIA and a couple of U.S. presidents), but nothing compared to the fiend of Cleveland — and Reading, because kidnap/rape/torture suspect Ariel Castro spent part of his boyhood in Reading, whether it was weeks, days, months...doesn't matter;  this is a local story now.

So now, when Fidel kicks, how will headline writers respond to the obit? Last name only? First name? (Don't know any other Fidels.) Already things are getting might confusing.

Kutztown University gets real, allows students to carry concealed weapons around campus

Can anything be more important at our institutions of higher education than protecting students rights?

Of course not!

Academia is a bastion of self-expression. The First Amendment rules.

Have you ever heard of staffers at a college newspaper being disciplined or censored over content?

Of course not.

But what about the most important of all the amendments in the Bill of Rights?

Fret not. The eggheads at Kutztown University have decided they are no longer going to sit on their fat asses and infringe upon students' God-given right to pack heat on campus.

Dr. F. Javier Cevallos, university president and constitutional scholar, decreed:

While I am cognizant of concerns associated with this change, we must follow the advice of legal counsel and do what is necessary to comply with the Second Amendment. I assure you we have done everything to implement the strongest policy possible while staying in compliance with constitutional rights.

From now on, guns can be carried anywhere on open areas of the Kutztown campus, la-de-da. Students, and their parents, may, however, be alarmed to learn that weapons still will be barred in campus buildings, including dormitories, dining halls and classrooms, and at sporting, entertainment, educational and other events sponsored by the university.

Does this pass constitutional muster?

Let us review the full text of that most sacred of amendments:

A well regulated student militia, being necessary to the security of a free campus, the right of the students to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed, except in campus buildings, including dormitories, dining halls and classrooms, and at sporting, entertainment, educational and other events sponsored by the university.

Sounds like the university prez nailed it.

Sure, spoilsports abound, such as Raging Chicken Press, which snarled in a piece called "Welcome to Wild West U: Kutztown University Opens Campus to Guns" that Director of University Relations Matthew Santos' claim that "his understanding that the Pennsylvania Attorney General stated that banning weapons on [state] campuses is not legally defensible in court" is just a pile of steaming horseshit.

It might take a while for students to get the new policy down pat, such as what to do with their shiny, concealed Glock when they are done roaming the open areas of the campus and need to enter their dorm room. But I trust they can resolve this quandary over a bottle of cookie-dough vodka.

Cleveland torture monster is a Reading homey, says some guy who says he's an uncle of the monster

If somebody is going to perpetrate the most hideous crime since ... Jeffrey Dahmer? Caligula? the Boston bombings? ... you had better believe the suspect boasts some local ties.

Because, you know, all crime passes through Reading.

The morning paper "localizes" the big yarn:

The Cleveland man suspected of kidnapping three women and holding them captive for about a decade lived in Reading as a boy, his uncle confirmed Wednesday.

The suspect, Ariel Castro, 52, and his brothers, Pedro and Onil, were born in Puerto Rico and lived in Reading before their family moved to Cleveland, Julio Castro of Cleveland said....

Julio Castro wasn't sure what years his nephews lived in Reading with their mother, Lillian, but said he visited them once here when they were between 5 and 10 years old.

"It seemed like they had a happy childhood," he said of that visit, which was likely in the late 1960s or 1970s.

Eh, 1960s, 1970s...same difference, as they say yonder down on Cotton Street.

Could this story get any huger?

Why, yes.

Philly.com put a story up online that said Castro was born in Reading and then took it down, because you have to be precise on matters such as this.

Ask WFMZ.

If you think kidnapping three women and raping them and holding them captive for ten years is unspeakable, that's nothing compared to the sins that a Reading man says Castro inflicted upon inanimate tin cans when he was a youngster.

The teevee station describes it with grammatical precision:

Kick the can? I'll say that's disgusting.

Stupid Facebook graphic of the day

There's this meme making the rounds — Benghazi!! — that puts Obama in the same criminal boat as Nixon, because, as Fox News can tell you, one and all, Obama wanted those diplomats to die to throw up a smokescreen in the lamestream media so Joe Biden can go door to door and take all your guns away.

We won't talk discuss Bush and the imaginary weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, nor Reagan and Beirut. We won't even go there. The meme is NOBODY DIED AT WATERGATE (nobody died when Clinton lied about those blowjobs, but we won't go there either),  because Nixon's the one and the issue at hand is why he was almost impeached.

For those not around during those turbulent times, here is Article V of the proposed articles of impeachment:

In his conduct of the office of President of the United States, Richard M. Nixon, in violation of his constitutional oath faithfully to execute the office of President of the United States and, to the best of his ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States, and in disregard of his constitutional duty to take care that the laws be faithfully executed, on and subsequent to March 17, 1969, authorized, ordered, and ratified the concealment from the Congress of false and misleading statements concerning the existence, scope and nature of American bombing operations in Cambodia in derogation of the power of the Congress to declare war, to make appropriations and to raise and support armies, and by such conduct warrants impeachment and trial and removal from office.

This was war. War kept secret from Congress. Waged by the president. According to the CIA, as many as 600,000 Cambodians may have died.

A tiny bit bigger than Benghazi, wouldn't you say?